A growing movement among opposite-sex couples is the marriage boycott: they refuse to marry until such time same-sex couples can legally do so throughout the United States. The Census Bureau reports this week there are over 560,000 same-sex couples in the country, over a quarter consider themselves married even if the law doesn’t recognize their relationships. And in Kansas, the number is growing especially since 2005’s anti-marriage constitutional amendment moved hundreds of closeted gays, lesbians, and bisexuals out of the closet to stand for marriage equality. Since Kansas has few protections for LGBT Kansans, some people who testified to the Kansas Legislature against the amendment were subsequently fired. But in spite of these real problems, LGBT people are still out and openly live together in every county in the state.
But it’s not all bad news for Kansans. Even though the state won’t recognize same-sex couples, some churches do. In addition to the Metropolitan Community Churches, formed to give LGBT Christians a church to call home, and Unitarian Universalists, the Anglican Communion in Kansas has blessed unmarried couples, same- and mixed-sex, since 2002. The United Church of Christ, a major Christian denomination, was the first to promote same-sex marriage. Most offices of the State of Kansas, through an executive order signed by then-Governor Kathleen Sebelius, cannot discriminate based on sexual orientation or gender identity. And many businesses do the same.
But unfortunately, many do not. It is still legal in Kansas to be fired for being LGBT, and only Lawrence prohibits sexual orientation discrimination. The Lawrence School District, on the other hand, prohibits sexual orientation and gender identity/expression discrimination. The Wichita School District only has sexual orientation. Lawrence also has a city-wide domestic partner registry which only on has the practical application for companies that require registry in order to extend benefits to partners. These lack of protections force all LGBT people into the closet. And for same-sex couples, who build lives and have families, they have no legal recourse for discrimination. And like mixed-sex unmarried couples, they must wade through tons of legal paperwork to protect themselves and their loved ones.
Contrary to popular belief, same-sex couples don’t only live in Lawrence and big cities. Kearny County, Kansas, has the most same-sex couples per capita than any other county in the state while Sedgwick, Johnson, and Wyandotte counties have more couples than even Douglas (home of Lawrence). People in same-sex couples are more likely to be employed in Kansas than married couples though they earn significantly less. 17% raise children though in the event the biological parent dies, nothing prevents the surviving parents from losing their children as longtime Kansas activist, Diane Silver, discovered after her partner died. And the gap in income increases when children are involved.
For same-sex couples with kids, they an additional stigma: children do best in households with their biological mother and father. To date, the American Psychological Association hasn’t found any evidence at all to suggest children of LGB parents are damaged at all by their parents’ sexuality. Yet Kansas Legislators try to ban gay adoption. When they attempted to do so in the 2005/2006 session, they couldn’t simply legislate banning same-sex couples so instead they went after all unmarried people trying to adopt. Agencies were up in arms over this as significant number of foster and adoptive parents in the state are single people. In fact, Youthville in Wichita works with the LGBT community to encourage foster and adoptive parents. While this issue has not come up again in the Kansas legislature, it is sure to pop up again as the conservative wing of the Republican Party continues to hold onto seats. Rampant anti-LGBT bigotry risks all families headed by same-sex couples, not just those who adopt. Tennessee, for example, doesn’t allow children to stay in homes of unmarried parents. Since same-sex couples can’t marry, this law affects LGBT parents. That’s an impossible choice: your partner of many years or your child.
Some municipalities and businesses are trying to make life easier for LGBT individuals and couples by offering benefits and, more importantly, treating couples the same as married spouses. This is a double-edged sword, however, because as states expand marriage to include same-sex couples, those who do not marry, same- or mixed-sex, find themselves without the benefits enjoyed during the struggle for marriage equality. Not that Kansas couples have to worry about that anytime soon. But no matter where you go in Kansas, you can find same-sex couples just waiting for the day they can be protected under the law.
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